Take it easy

One of my favorite professors at UCSD, Traci, would always tell us to take it easy and enjoy life outside of school.  Of course I couldn't take her advice while taking four classes, being in an acapella group, working part time, and interning 2-3 times a week, but I did finally get to do that the last two weeks!

All this relaxing has really put things into perspective...
In my quest to graduate cum laude I've realized that grades are just grades and not getting an A in every class is not the end of the world.  In my freakout over grad school applications, I've realized that while getting accepted would be phenomenal, being rejected doesn't mean my life is over - It just means I need to set a different course for myself for a little while longer.  While stressing over my very uncertain future, I've learned to just enjoy life and the best thing I can do is make my 'todays' as best as possible.

These two weeks have been somewhat therapeutic and I've come out rejuvenated and ready tackle these grad school applications. Starting....tomorrow!

p.s. I started running again today and it felt great! I definitely needed to work off all that food I ate the last two weeks.

Positivity

That's always been something lacking in my life and happened to be the theme of Tuesday night- and boy has it made me change my outlook on life. Allison was in town for a few days and we met up with one of her old basketball teammates in North Park for some coffee.  The hour-long conversation that took place was filled with so much positivity despite the fact that we were essentially talking about how our lives were filled with uncertainty.

This was something so different from what I've been used to.  Usually I'm just mopey and depressed when things aren't going very well and the sadness and negativity spirals into this terrible crippling self doubt I can't escape.  I can never tell whether people around me know how low my esteem can get at times or how cynical and negative my thoughts can be, but a dash of apathy, a pinch of laziness, and mix in some instability and you'll get an emotional wreck.  I have a whole laundry list of things I don't like about myself, things I can't do, things I wish I could do if I were more able, etc.  I constantly worry about whether or not I will get into a grad program, whether I'm smart enough to do well, whether I'll ever figure out what exactly it is I want to do with my life, whether I'll ever succeed in life... the worrying just never ends. I've been a big ball of stress for quite some time due to all these fears and doubts that kept running around in my head.

In any case, how critical I was of myself in the past is not what I wanted to write about, and I just had to share this semi-epiphany and self realization I had Tuesday night that made me really want to change the way I looked at life and how I lived it.  I've decided to just stop overwhelming and stressing myself out all the time and just take things as they come along.  I'm going to be more positive with myself, get over that crippling self doubt and just focus on living a happier life doing what I want to do.

So there it is, my new resolution in life- be more positive.  Simple enough. Challenging enough. Wish me luck!

Bachelor of Arts

Done. I have now ended my 4.5 year journey as an undergraduate and I'm coming out of it feeling pre-tty anticlimactic. While most of this has to do with the fact that I already walked in the graduation ceremony in June and all I'm left to do now is pack up my stuff and leave, another part has to do with this impending nothingness and uncertainty that comes with graduating without a very concrete plan.

I started this blog merely as a way for me to keep a record of the adventures and happenings I will face now that I am officially done with school.

So what's next?
Well, now that I'm done I'm going to spend the next few weeks finishing my graduate school applications.  They're due early January and early February, so that's where I will spend the next month or so focusing all my energy.  But after that, I essentially have nothing to do but wait for the colleges to either accept or reject me.  I plan on staying in San Diego until March or so, working on my apps, working at my internship, and hopefully getting a part-time job.
I've also been feeling a huge desire to travel lately, and I think I want to go through with it. I just started looking at several volunteer abroad opportunities and I'm getting pretty excited. Hopefully I can gather enough funds to make it happen!

I also decided to make a bucket list of things I want to do during my time off from school.  This one's just a preliminary list... I'll add more as I think of them.

• Read for fun
• Start and maintain a daily journal
• Craft more
• Travel
• Play with my Lomography camera more often
• Write music again
• Get piano skills back to my pre-college level
• Bake more

And here's a list of actually pressing things I need to do before I can do any of the things mentioned above:

• Graduate school applications
• FAFSA
• Find a part time job
• Make some money to fund all the fun stuff I want to do (this has got to be the most depressing one)

I want to try to update as often as I can since I see this blog as a way to give my life structure through social pressure in case anyone actually follows and expects me to do the things I just said I'd do.

Cheers!